You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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