A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
