im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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