covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
