I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish you could order shots online.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she peed on how many people?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
