so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
