Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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