It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize