Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
