You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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