My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize