This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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