I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
