On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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