I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
