I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
