she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
