I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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