the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As shirtless as possible
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My ass is underappreciated
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
