I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
