that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
