Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
