The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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