so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
