she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
