sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dear god my vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize