I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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