Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he puts the penis in happiness.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize