I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
