So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
