I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
