I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
