Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
