I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize