I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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