He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
