i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
