im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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