so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
