I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
