his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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