some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
