my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my being single is dangerous.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
