He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize
