i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
