Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
