and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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