I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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