I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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