I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
