they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
