I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
