doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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