census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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