your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
