i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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