I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize