I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
