How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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