My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
