I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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