TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
