You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She even gives head with a lisp.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize