is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
