I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
