I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
