Plan B is the new Plan A
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
