my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
