you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
