so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
