so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
