I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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