look no pants
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
