Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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