I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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