We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
