Your dad touched me again.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
