I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
