dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
