I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
