in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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