he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
