I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
