tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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