I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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