Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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