He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
