sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
