my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
