so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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