ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
