Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
