suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
