this beer tastes like vomit already
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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